i love my boyfriend though 

whatareghouls:

ghost-of-algren:

According to a police report, Sean Johnson, 19, “selected a brown, tan, and red stuffed horse from the clearance shelf in the garden department.”

Oh god, it was a my little pony wasn’t it.

please look at the amount of completely serious “thanks Obama”-esque comments on this article blaming the president for this kid humping an Applejack stuffed animal

only in obama’s america!!!!!!!

wow it took me like 4 hours to type that lmao 

I have another fun/tragic/embarrassing internet story but it’s a bit longer and more convoluted and terrible. I’m not sure if it happened before or after the last story, my memory of all this shit that happened is pretty fuzzy (maybe because I’m trying to block it out, lmao) just as a warning tho, it gets pretty uncomfortable cause it deals with a pretty emotionally abusive relationship, suicide, gross sexual stuff, u name it, it’s a cautionary tale I suppose -_-

I’m pretty sure I was around 16 or 17 years old, I had just started gaining mild popularity because of my stupid anime vids and I wasn’t at all used to it. I would add tons of random people on skype indiscriminately, respond to literally every message I received on youtube and on my email, no matter what it was about, cause I was super excited about meeting new friends and I didn’t want my fans to think I didn’t appreciate them.
It was scary for me to have all these people suddenly know about me but at the same time it was really cool because a lot of the people who talked to me and commented on my videos were really nice! At the time I was a pathetic high schooler with no friends, I mean, there were people at school I talked to sometimes, but that was about it for a long time. I was just too nervous to approach anyone or befriend them and I had been bullied before in middle school for silly reasons so I retreated into my bubble and stayed there for a while.
There was this weird disconnect between my real life and who I was online cause like, in ~THE MEAT SPACE~ I was some shy depressed girl with poor social skills but on the internet everyone was impressed by me and thought I was cute or cool and I didn’t know how to handle it!!!! Combine that with being a naive and immature teenage girl and it doesn’t end well usually
So anyway, one day I received a youtube message from some guy, I’ll call him uuuhhh “Hisao” because he liked Katawa Shoujo
In this message Hisao tells me that he suffers with depression because he has no friends and had his heart broken by girls many times, or something to that effect. 16 year old me is touched by his story since I was struggling with the same problems (minus the girls part), so we start sending more messages back and forth, and this was the start of our beautiful friendship! Hisao was a 22 year old man with a big love for anime and video games, and loli hentai! He was very proud of this. Nothing worrying at all, nope. Being the idiot teenager I was, I opened up to him a whole lot cause I thought, well shit!!! He understands me!!! Wow!!!!
Within a month I had shared many personal details about my life and family situation with Hisao because he told me that I could tell him anything. He also opened up to me about times where he had been cheated on and manipulated by girls, and why he’s scared of getting hurt again. Soon we had added eachother on AIM and we’d talk about anime and shit on a daily basis, just being pals. I even made a few youtube videos at his request. But then things started to get very strange!!!
Hisao would become flirtatious with me and would hint at wanting to be in -that- kind of relationship with me. He would make sexual comments towards me, mostly about my voice and that he thought i was attractive because i had small breasts, at first I let it slide because I didn’t take it seriously, but then later he outright asked me if I would be his internet girlfriend and was a lot more aggressive about it.
I turned him down as gently as I could because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, I just didn’t want to be romantic with this person and it kind of freaked me out. (when I look back now it feels ultra-fucked up cause this was a guy in his 20’s asking a 16-17 year old girl out and saying explicit sexual things to her) He didn’t take it well, became extremely depressed, and started bargaining with me basically, asking if there’s any “hope” for him becoming my boyfriend, and that if there isn’t, then there’s no point in continuing our friendship! I thought, oh no, I don’t want to lose this friend! Please don’t hate me!!! (god I was stupid lol) so I said something like “I don’t know, maybe in the future if I get to know you better I’ll feel differently?” and that satisfied him.  BIG MISTAKE WEEOOWEOOOWEOOO
He also took this to mean that I was okay with him continuing to flirt with me. Not that I tried super hard to stop him beyond going silent whenever he made me feel uncomfortable, because I was terrified of making him mad at me again. Whenever it seemed like I objected to his romantic or sexual advances, he would get depressed again and compare me to all the “other girls” who “stomped all over” him and broke his heart. Tip to my fucked up past self: just tell them to fuck off next time, you dumbass!!!!!!
One time he asked if I would call him “Onii-chan” and I said that I didn’t want to, because it made me uncomfortable. This was one of the first times that he completely flipped out on me. Instead of just being depressed and trying to guilt me, he said a whole bunch of awful stuff to me and argued with me about it for hours. When things finally settled down, he apologized profusely and begged for my forgiveness, saying that he promises he’ll change and be a better friend to me. I thought aww heck! I should forgive him! No biggy! So we went back to our daily anime conversations for a while. Soon after, he began asking me what he needs to do to become “worthy” of being my boyfriend, and that he’ll be as nice as possible to me to achieve that! i obviously didn’t know what to tell the dude.
Things quickly became tense again, as my parents wanted to limit my computer time so I could focus on school, and I actually made a friend in real life who I would hang out with after school a lot. This didn’t sit well with Hisao-kun, cause if I wasn’t online to talk to him all the time, he became lonely…and suspicious!!! One particular day when I wasn’t online until maybe 8 or 9 pm, I was greeted with a wall of AIM messages and also various youtube messages from Hisao, complaining about how I was gone. The messages became progressively more and more angry, until he started accusing me of “sucking dick somewhere”. I felt pretty insulted and sad, so I started yelling at him because of what he said. Again, hours and hours of arguing later, he apologizes, I apologize for not being online enough for him (what???????) and he promises that he’s going to change and be a better friend! Is this….deja vu…!? O_O
The tension never subsided, it just continued to build up with every instance of him feeling slighted by me for various reasons. It was like walking on eggshells, except the eggshells were on fire, and there were also landmines, and sharks
If I was feeling depressed for whatever reason and wasn’t up to being perky and talking a whole bunch, he got mad because I wasn’t cheerful enough, or I was being a downer, he called me a bad friend because I couldn’t “act happy for him”
If I didn’t respond quickly enough, I was ignoring him for someone else! Or I didn’t care about what he had to say!
If I wasn’t online, I was abandoning him, or off having sex with lots of men somewhere, somehow
These were all his explanations for my absences or for any time I didn’t respond within a few minutes. 
Things escalated to the point where he pretty much banned me from speaking to other men. I couldn’t be friends with other men, not even online, and I couldn’t talk about them. He was terrified of me ending up in the clutches of some other dude, and wanted to prevent it at all costs. If anyone was going to become the honorable boyfriend of the prized Nyanners, it had to be this guy. 
But being a huge idiot, I stuck with this guy because I felt like our friendship was very important, especially to him. Why? Because he made a point of telling me that he was suicidal, and that the fact that I was friends with him was giving him a reason to live. He always told me that I was the only person who cared about him, he had nobody else. Aside from the fear of losing a close friend and hurting him, I was extremely stressed over the fact that if I leave this guy, he might kill himself, and I would be at fault. So it was pretty fucked up!!! This is why I kept trying to salvage things, even though he kept proving himself to be a terrible human being!
So he insisted that I come online to talk to him every day, and that if I don’t, I’m a bad friend. We would get into arguments and I’d be on my phone at school during lunch, on the brink of tears, typing emails to him to try to get him to calm down. Sometimes I couldn’t sleep because I was so torn up over making him sad or angry with me, and I didn’t know what to do. 
He’d consistently make me feel guilty about the fact that I didn’t want to be his girlfriend, and that if we were together, he wouldn’t be depressed anymore -_- He’d talk about how I was perfect for him, and that I was like an anime girl in real life (lol) unlike all those other SLUTS who don’t act like dainty little flowers!!!! And being my boyfriend would be a dream come true because he’s so lonely and hates his life. 
During a time when we were sort of fighting and not talking to eachother, I received a youtube message from a mysterious person who seemed to have created their account just a few days prior. This person asked if I would record something “lewd” for them like moaning or some shit, and their typing style was very similar to Hisao’s. Suspecting that it was Hisao on a sockpuppet account, I messaged this person back saying I’d love to!!!! and what do you know, I get a flurry of angry messages from Hisao calling me a slut, saying “I knew you were a whore!” and stuff like that, and I just laughed in his face and told him that I knew it was him who sent the message from the start. Checkmate, Kira -_-
Of course, he apologizes and begs my forgiveness, and explains that he just became soooo paranoid that I was slutting it up with other dudes behind his back so he had to confirm his suspicions. I was still very angry with him, so I stopped talking to him for a while, which was probably the best decision I’ve made so far in this story tbh
Once we’re back to speaking terms, he starts talking to me about this girl I’m sort of friends with, who is also a “youtuber” and more “~famous~” than I was. He was also friends with her and talked to her online a lot (funny how that works, I wasn’t allowed to be friends with any other guys and he could talk to girls?????) He asks me how I feel about her so I open up to him about how I’m kind of scared of talking to her because I think she doesn’t like me or thinks I’m annoying. The next day I get messages from the girl and she’s like, “do you really dislike me???” or something like that and I’m like………… “what”
turns out he sent the chatlogs of our conversation to her and was like “Im sorry, I had to expose the truth of what nyanners said…I hope u understand…” So I have to scramble to tell her that it was taken out of context and that I don’t think badly of her, while at the same time arguing with this dude about how he totally fucked me over
it was like that fucking scene in Mean Girls where they do the 3 way phone call thing and the asshole chick baits the girl into saying something mean about her friend so she could hear it, except instead of a highschool girl doing it, it was a 22 year old male college dropout 
At first he puts up this pretense of “doing the right thing” but then he basically admitted that he did it because he wanted to hurt me and turn my own friends against me, because he was bitter about not being able to do sex stuff with me. Wowee zowee!!!!
At this point I was pretty much fed up with this dramatic bullshit and I felt trapped. I came up with a plan to get him to stop wanting to be my boyfriend, it was genius wait for it…I would tell him that I had a crush on a boy at school. There’s no way that would backfire because he’s extremely jealous and paranoid right?????? rr-right
WELL I tell him that I have a crush on someone and his reaction is exactly what you would expect. “I knew it….you were too good to be true…You’re a whore just like all those other girls and you led me on..I can’t believe this…” I try to tell him that I want to stay his friend, and that I would help him find a girlfriend so he wouldn’t have to deal with tfw no gf anymore, but he responds to this by saying “what’s the point in being your friend anymore if there’s no hope of being your boyfriend?” he tells me that he only reason he even talks to me is because he had a goal, and that goal was to make me his kawaii loli internet gf who he could have cybersex with. Neat! At one point in this conversation, he goes as far as saying “It’s like I’m being NTR’d….” (for those of u that don’t know, NTR is short for ‘netorare’ a genre of japanese porn where a man is forced to watch his romantic partner cheat on him and succumb to the pleasures of the rival’s big evil dick. Hisao was always very vocal about his hatred for this type of pornography) So basically he said it was like I was cheating on him. Even though we were just friends. He said it brought up traumatic memories from when that girl cheated on him. 
So this sparked the argument of the century, and he became overwrought with anger and jealousy and decided that he hated my guts and never wanted to speak with me again. He sent me a nice farewell letter to my youtube inbox, and it said something like this, I remember it oddly clearly because it was something that I read over and over again while feeling completely terrible about myself!!!!:
"You are exactly what everyone says you are, you’re an attention whore, a fake, and a slut who doesn’t care about anyone but yourself! I was lying when I said I enjoyed your voice acting and singing, your voice is horrible and grating, and when you sing you sound like a dying cat! You’re ugly, annoying and selfish, and you’re just like all those other girls who stomp all over me and ruin my life. I hate you with every fiber of my being! It would make me much happier if you weren’t alive anymore. You won’t go anywhere in life, you’re a failure and a waste of space. You’re going to end up getting knocked up after sleeping around with the football players at school, and end up dropping out and never becoming successful at all. In the future you’ll be sucking hobo dick behind the 711 because that’s the only thing you’re good for. I sincerely hope that you get cancer and suffer" 
except it was much wordier than that
had it been from some random troll who sends stuff like that for laughs, I wouldn’t have been very bothered at all, but this was coming from someone I had been friends with for the better part of a year and had poured many difficult days and hours of effort and emotional stress into trying to fix our friendship so he wouldn’t be depressed anymore.

It fucked me up and it was the first time that something said to me online made me cry very hard as if someone came and shot my dog or something. I felt like there had to be some truth to what he said, was I really a fake, was I really that annoying or ugly??? Did this person really think he would be better off if I wasn’t alive anymore? Twas shitty -_-
And if that wasn’t enough, he went on to make a thread on /a/ about me where he told an extremely warped version of the story of our friendship and said that I was leading him on and manipulating him like some evil cackling harpy.  He was even kind enough to tell people that I sucked some guy’s dick while lying to him about how I would be his gf, or something. Thankfully most of the people who responded to the thread didn’t take him seriously and told him to fuck off because /a/ is not the place for dramatic walls of text about how your internet crush spurned you, but I was still shaken up about how he would tell everyone all these lies about me so quickly and without a problem. 
After a while things were quiet and I was still sad about what happened, but I was trying to forget about it. Eventually, a year or so passes, and I’m 18 I think, and I had almost forgotten about Hisao.
When suddenly…!!!! On a winter morning….An email appears in my inbox, and it’s him! I never would have guessed. He’s apologizing to me and telling me that he can’t stand not having me in his life, and that he didn’t mean all the things he said in the youtube message, you know, about wanting me to die and stuff! How nice of him to clear that up. 
This is probably one of the worst parts of the whole thing.
He says that he wasn’t completely truthful with me, about a lot of things
He goes on to explain that he “wasn’t exactly 100% honest” with me about being a lonely depressed girlfriendless dude. It turns out, when all that stuff with us was going on, while he was telling me that I was the only person he had in life and he would kill himself if I left him, he was involved with a girl he had known for 5 years and he was “more than friends” with her, and in love! He explained that this girl, who he loved very much, had a traumatic experience in her past that made her deathly afraid of intimacy and commitment, and this frustrated him a whole lot. So because of this, he decided to use me to get the “intimacy” he wanted, while still being in a relationship with this girl. But even though they weren’t “officially” a committed couple, he still treated her as if she were his girlfriend, and felt like he was betraying her by flirting with me.

So all the arguments he started were because he was trying to get away from me before he “got in too deep” and he was trying to sabotage our friendship because he didn’t have the self-control required to stop fishing for sexual attention from minors on the internet. This sounds like some melodramatic bullshit anime plot or some shit but it’s 100% real life and I still can’t believe it happened. I wish I was making this up, I really do. 
It’s been years since I last spoke to this guy and it was an experience that i’m sorry to say has affected me and how I interact with people online, to this day : \
People always ask me why I seem so jaded and wary of talking to random people online, this is one of the reasons why…one of the many reasons actually, because stuff like this has happened to me more times than I can count now, and it’s a wonder that I managed to actually meet someone on the internet who later became my boyfriend! Cause I had almost completely sworn off most internet relationships, especially romantic ones, because of all the shit I’ve had to put up with .I hope ppl who read this will take some wisdom from it or relate to it, or even be helped by it because they’re going through the same thing and are just like I was and don’t know what to do! The moral of this story is, healthy friendships don’t make you feel awful and stressed all the time or like you have to walk on eggshells or meet ridiculously high expectations to make a person happy. And if a guy won’t shut up about wanting to date you even though you’ve said no, tell him to fuck off because he is a selfish baby and he’s not worth ur time. If I could go back in time and tell myself this, I would have avoided months of utter misery. Also, anime fans on the internet can be creepy as fuck. The end.