The unrealistic picture of sex presented in most porn harms men as
well as women in their sex lives (though in different ways). Their
sexual miseducation starts in adolescence, but
many never
learn better.
Our society's taboo cuts adolescents off from any way to learn about
sexual relationships and lovemaking other than from porn and from
other confused adolescents. Everyone learns the hard way, often
slowly, and in many cases learns bad lessons.
The more effective the taboo, the deeper the ignorance. In 18th
century France, teenage girls of good family emerged totally sexually
innocent from education in a convent. Totally innocent and totally
exploitable (see Dangerous Liaisons).
Contrast this with Marquesan society, where adolescents are not kept
ignorant by a taboo on sex. They have various relationships with
lovers of their choice, so they have many opportunities to see what
pleases and what doesn't. Any one lover can please them more, or
please them less, but can't mislead them — they have standards
for comparison. In that society, even adolescents understand
lovemaking better than a lot of American adults.
Inevitably, everyone starts out ignorant; the question is, how can
society offer people a path which leads them to learn to do things
well, rather than learning painfully to do them badly.