What conclusions should we draw about Grace's painful date with Aziz Ansari?

We cannot take for granted that one participant's account of a stressful situation is factually accurate. However, we can take Grace's account as accurate, since Ansari does not contest it. What can we conclude from these events?

She went to his apartment expecting and intending some sort of sexual encounter, but as the encounter proceeded, she began to feel uncomfortable with it. After some time, she realized that she did not want to continue.

That is not unusual. When you "have a bad feeling about this", it often takes time for that to crystalize into "I'm not going there."

Grace first made gestures to hint at her unwillingness, which Ansari did not seem to recognize. Later she rebuked him for that.

It is not valid to rebuke someone for "misreading" hints. A hint is a veiled form of communication. It is unfair to intentionally obscure a message and then rebuke someone for not understanding it. If you want someone to understand "no", say "no". (Eventually she did.)

On the other hand, he might have figured out her feelings if he had tried to. It is clear in many ways that he didn't care much about them. Ansari was selfish and inconsiderate throughout the date.

He pressured her persistently for penetration. Apparently that particular act was more important to him than her pleasure, or even her contentment. He acknowledged that they could only continue in sex if she too were "having fun", but it seems that her desire and enjoyment mattered to him only as a requirement he had to satisfy to get the pleasure he sought. They were not, in themselves, important to him.

Neither of them was a monster, but they both have things to learn. I hope Grace learns how to better recognize her wants and then express them clearly. I hope Aziz learns to care about what his lovers feel.